The most recent choice for my Silicon Valley Moms book club was a non-fiction book, What Happened to the Girl I Married? After almost 20 years of marriage, author Michael Miller felt that the woman he married had disappeared. When he was presented with a year off from work due to a job change, Mark and his wife, Linda switched places. This book is an account of how he gradually learned what his wife did each day, and how his lack of understanding all along had been a large part in changing her.
During some pre-book club commenteing, it seemed that some of the women completely identified with What Happened to the Girl I Married? and others felt exactly the opposite. I'm wondering if the differences were due to age. I'm part of the baby boom generation. Even though we were supposed to be the generation in which women were liberated and many women began working even after having kids, we were still mostly responsible for the household. Therefore, having to constantly ask/tell our husbands what we needed help with turned us, especially in their eyes, into nags.
I'm wondering if Generation X, those wives and moms in their thirties or early forties now, had it differently. Are the household chores shared more evenly? Do you mothers in this age group feel that marriage has not changed you very much? If so, I wonder what will happen with gen Y. Will women and men ever be truly equal in the workplace, marriage and in child rearing? Only time will tell.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
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Oh wow, not sure. I would think all women, regardless of generation, would feel they've changed a lot after marriage & kids.
I think those that couldn't relate didn't have a similar configuration SAHM & breadwinner dad, but not sure about that. I'm curious as to what the others have to say.
Great thoughts to ponder!
I think I've changed after marriage and kids. Just more responsibility, more to do, I am NEVER bored, ALWAYS behind. I am a 30-something and have had the experience that my husband is definitely more involved as a parent and with the house than the previous generation. We also have twins, so I was outnumbered from the get-go, so having his help was really essential. I wouldn't say it is even - he works full-time, I work part-time, so I have most of the burden of the household chores and, really, ALL of the kid responsibility (scheduling, school, doctors, childcare, you name it). It will be interesting to see how much of a difference it is for the parents 10 years behind me.
I'm Gen X (early 40's) and I definitely have the responsibility for the kids and the house. We saw this coming and decided that I would stay home with the kids since we couldn't seem to find a balance of sharing the house and kid workload in a way that wasn't way too stressful.
As far as how much I've changed during marriage, it's been enough years where I can't remember much of what I was really like before marriage. I like who I am now, and my husband likes it too, so I guess that's all that matters.
Mid 30s and, yes, parenting and marriage have definitely changed me, for the better I think. I'm more responsible, open minded (okay, in many cases), patient...
I definitely think my expectations of my husbnad are different than that of the generation before me. That said, Mom had a cleanning lady, we don't. And before that, her mom had a cleaning lady and a cook. So while expectations change, so do responsibilities.
Early 40's and no, we do not have equal distribution -- though I will say that my husband does more than I see a lot of my friends partners do. Still - for now at least - my "job" is housewife. Actually, it's my job - even without quotation marks, so I guess it's OK that it isn't all evened up.
Very interesting theory. I'm in my late 30s, but didn't get married to my husband til my mid-30s, and our daughter is only two now. I'm not sure which demographic we should be in! I don't work outside the home, which I say is why we don't have an 'equal distribution.' A lot of the stuff at the house IS my job...